Men Who Lead

All right, so let's get into it. We'll debunk some myths around porn that are floating around out there. And the first one is that porn is normal, okay? People say porn is normal, but really it is not.

It is not like we are meant to be watching others have sex and getting off to it, okay? When we do that, it's like we're tricking our brains into thinking that we're having sex, when really we are just ogling at a screen while we're touching ourselves. There's nothing normal about that, right? And it can change your brain makeup so much that you actually prefer porn over actual sex. That's messed up, right? See, porn tricks us into feeling connected with the people that we're watching on screen, but real intimacy is built on trust, it's built on communication, it's built on affection, it's built on a host of other things that have nothing to do with the person that you're watching on screen.

That is not a real connection that you're experiencing. And so, needless to say, it's distorting your expectations of what a real relationship is. It presents an unrealistic scenario with fake people and it gives you a counterfeit experience.

And over time, it rewires your brain, it affects your social interactions, your relationships, your connections, your confidence, your clarity of thought, which brings me to my next myth. And that is that porn is healthy, all right? Porn is not healthy. Some folks claim that it's healthy, but that is just ridiculous, okay? Watching it does not have any health benefits, okay? Your doctor doesn't tell you, hey, go home, watch some porn, and call me in the morning.

Okay, it does not help with mental or emotional health. And in fact, it contributes to depression and anxiety. And not only that, it's linked to erectile dysfunction, and it's even more on the rise nowadays for younger guys because they can access porn so easily.

Now tell me, does that all sound healthy to you, right? And watching porn leads to addiction. We already know that. There's no way around that.

You continually need and you want more quantity and you need more variety in order to get off. And that creates odd ideas about sex. It can warp your sexual tastes, your attractions, what you find attractive and desirable.

And the more explicit porn you watch, the more that you get desensitized. And so, do you think it'll be easier or harder to enjoy intimacy with your wife or your future wife, right? So no, porn is not healthy. The third myth is that porn is a reward, okay? Some people treat porn like a reward, but really it's not a reward if you think about what happens after you watch it.

Sure, it might feel like a treat, like a prize for accomplishing something, or after a long day's work, you get to just sit down and watch some porn, right? But that is terrible for you in the long run. And you know, some guys say that they deserve it because their wife doesn't want sex as much as they do and they deserve to be sexually satisfied, they deserve to watch porn. Well, let me cover one thing.

First of all, you do not need to watch porn to be sexually satisfied, okay? Secondly, if your relationship is struggling with intimacy, the healthy way to deal with that would be to work on yourself, in your fitness, in leading your family, in becoming a better partner, in communication with your wife, okay? If you have these things, you won't struggle with intimacy anymore, okay? And that's the way to get what you really want deep down. It's way better to work on that than to rely on porn as a solution. It is a poor solution for your life's problems, all right? The fourth myth is that porn helps you relax, okay? A lot of guys think that they need porn to relax or to go to sleep, but that's just not true, okay? There are healthier ways to relax and fall asleep really well without porn.

And sure, orgasms do release hormones that make you feel tired for a short time, but there are so many other ways to fall asleep without using porn. The only reason you're thinking like that is because your addicted brain is so used to turning to porn to help you rest, okay? And think about it. What happens after you watch porn? Watching porn leads to guilt or shame.

It adds stress instead of relaxation. And when you watch right before bedtime, it's more likely to release stress hormones that disrupt your sleep, and it makes it hard to actually get a good night's rest if you weren't already exhausted from not getting enough time in bed from the multiple hours that you were binging on porn already, right? And as you continue to watch more porn, you'll crave more explicit content. And you know how that goes.

That creates or that furthers the shame and anxiety cycle that you probably haven't hopped off yet. Look, the reality is, sure, porn might offer a temporary escape, but it definitely is not addressing what is beneath the surface for you. And all it's doing right now is aggravating your stress levels.

It's not actually working to calm you down. It's not actually working to help you relax. Okay, and the fifth myth about porn is that porn is not cheating, okay? People like to argue that porn is not cheating.

And while it's technically not the same as physically sleeping with someone else, there's no denying that it can still hurt your relationship. For starters, if you are lying about your use of porn or hiding your porn use from your partner, that's already a betrayal of trust. And also, do you really think it doesn't interfere with your thought life? Like, can you really just turn your brain off once you're done with porn? Or if you're being honest, will it continue to shape how you look at other women and how you relate to other women in your life? Maybe what you might be fantasizing about with them, or worse, what you might be considering acting on.

Now, whether you have a physical affair or not, the other thing is that watching porn feels like having an emotional affair because you're sharing intimate moments with someone other than your partner, albeit on a computer screen or a phone screen, right? Sneaking off to watch porn makes you feel like you're cheating. Whether or not you're acknowledging it in your mind, whether or not you're saying, oh, this is not really cheating, you can still feel it in your gut, you're still getting that thrill factor. It's still, at some level, a form of a breach of trust with your partner, a breaking of the bond with your partner, and that not only damages the trust that your partner has for you, even if they don't find out or not, it damages the trust that you have with yourself.

Okay, when you're fantasizing about other women and acting out situations in porn and climaxing to it, let's be real, right? Whether you wanna say it's not cheating, I'm not having an affair, what does your heart tell you? Do you really feel like a man of integrity and faithfulness after watching porn? All right, and maybe you've overlooked this, but don't forget that porn takes away the desire that you have for your wife. At some level, whether it happens slowly or whether it happens quickly, no matter which way you slice it, why would you desire her more when you can sleep with 1,000 other women whenever you want at the comfort of your screen? Right? You think that your desire for your wife is gonna become more or less after that. And you're telling me that's not cheating.

It's crazy the things our brains come up with when we're stuck in an addiction. And that brings us to the sixth myth, and that is that porn is victimless. Look, if you believe that porn is victimless, you may just be misinformed or actually uninformed.

We don't have time to go into that right now, but the porn industry is linked to something else. There's some terrible stuff. There's sex trafficking.

There's posting videos without consent. But besides that, beyond that, it also hurts the people in the watcher's life, in your life, right? Like, so it hurts your spouse, hurts your family, not just because of the stuff we've already covered, but do you really think that the person that you are in private won't affect the person that you are in public? Right? Maybe you are just hoping that that's the case, but when you feel guilt or shame, when you have lack of confidence, when you feel powerlessness, when there's conflict inside your soul, and you are wrestling with anxiety, when you have lack of self-control, and there's just all these mental and emotional consequences that come with the use of porn, right? When that is in you, and when you're operating under that, who is the person that your wife gets? Who is the person that your kids get at the end of the day? How about your friends? How about your family? How about your church? How are, how about you? How are you showing up for you, right? Does it affect your self-esteem? Does it affect your ability to be creative, right? Maybe you're like, okay, Steve, I don't have a wife and kids yet, but what about your ability to work hard, to be productive, to make more money, to be focused in the work that God's calling you to do right now in your season, right? And speaking of that, how is your relationship with God when you're watching porn? What about your ability to hear from him and be led by him? How is that impacted? Okay, so don't be confused. Every single person that your life touches is affected by the man that porn is now shaping, or has already shaped you to become.

Okay, so the answer is no, porn is not victimless. Your entire sphere of influence is impacted by how porn has impacted you. Okay, your entire circle gets to reap the man that you become based on the seeds you're planting today.

So my question to you is, what kind of seeds are you planting if you continue to let porn remain in your life? All right, now I know some of that is pretty heavy, but if we don't debunk these myths about porn in our heads, the truth about porn will have less space to make its way into our hearts, and that was my intent with this training. So I hope it was helpful. Let me know what you thought, and I'll talk to you soon.